Originally published on the Society 19 Emerson College blog
College sex can be, to say the least, interesting. Some people have a lot of experience and know what they’re doing, some people have no experience or only a little, and some people who have experience are still clueless. Like most things, everyone comes to college with a different sexual background and that’s ok. College is the perfect time to get to know yourself sexually and figure out what you like. The thing is, it seems that college romance is becoming synonymous with casual hookups. And it’s true, not every relationship has to be long term, but when you have the time to really get to know a person it can be easier to communicate and that usually leads to a more enjoyable sexual experience. Sex is all about communication and, unfortunately, having to advocate for yourself can be hard and awkward with someone you barely know. So whether hooking up or settling down, here are some sex tips every college student should keep in mind when getting down to the nitty-gritty. No more bad sex! Let’s all have the goal of making the experience live up to the hype.
Foreplay is Important!
There are very few situations where it’s okay to just jump into things. Foreplay is kind of like stretching before going for a run, if you don’t do it you’re bound to pull something. Whether that means making out, oral sex, or some dry humping is up to you. Anything to get your body in the mood and ready for what’s to come fulfills the definition of foreplay. And sometimes that isn’t enough, and that doesn’t have to be embarrassing. Lube and other sexual enhancers exist for a reason and can greatly improve an experience. So don’t be afraid to think outside the box if the regular bump and tug isn’t working for you.
It’s very hard to tell people what you want when you don’t know what you want. If you haven’t had a lot of experience or you haven’t been paying much attention to how you’re feeling during your sexual encounters, there are a couple of ways to learn. The first is masturbation. Yes, this word usually has some kind of an icky connotation for a lot of people- especially women. And while that’s a topic for another day, I want to make it clear that masturbation is a completely normal and healthy activity for everyone to participate in. Experimenting with it, or even just doing it, is a great way to learn what your body responds to. The second way, if you get lucky, happens when you’re with someone you trust and who cares about you and will ask if certain techniques feel good for you. Store this knowledge for when you’re with someone new who isn’t quite so acquainted with your body.
Be in a Comfortable Environment.
This can be a tough one in college because most people are residing in a shared living space. If you’re meeting a guy from Tinder or planning to hook up with someone you don’t know very well, sometimes the familiarity of your own home or bed can compensate for the lack of knowledge in other areas. Many people feel more relaxed in an environment that they know and feel safe in. Tell your partner this and if they aren’t willing to compromise, the experience might not be worth the effort. Whatever the situation, make sure to communicate with roommates to work out schedules so that you aren’t worrying about them walking in at any second. And if you do decide to venture into your hookups neck of the woods, make sure people know where you are, make sure your phone is charged and always have an escape route.
Clear Your Head.
It can be very easy to get caught up in your thoughts during sex, especially if it’s a hook up and that’s not what you’re used to. Sex is an intimate act, and separating it from emotion can, understandably, be hard sometimes. If you find yourself stuck in your head during sex and not letting yourself relax and enjoy it, remember that this is normal and happens quite often. Thoughts you have during sex can be stressful and cause the body to tense up which can lead to discomfort and even pain. If this happens, speak up and ask to take a break if that’s what you need. Or try your best to make your mind go blank. Take a card out of meditation and yoga and focus on your breathing. Try to feel every sensation your body is experiencing and narrow in on the parts that feel particularly good.
Talk To Each Other!
I know I already said communication is important, but guys! Communication is important! Nobody should have to sit through a sexual experience they’re not enjoying and just take it. Mostly everyone’s been through it and it’s not fun. You have to speak up or it’s never going to get better. Think he’s going to fast? Say something! Is she using too much tongue? Tell her. Are they being too rough? Want to be thrown around a little more? Don’t be embarrassed to ask for what you want. The person you’re with should care just as much about how you’re feeling as they do about themselves. And if you speak up and they don’t listen, get out of there and vow never to go back, okay? Communication is a two-way street. Both people have to be just as willing to listen as they are to speak up. So ask how your partner is feeling as well and listen to them. Nothing is ever as awkward as it seems, and everything seems like less of a big deal when you talk it out.
Have any other sex tips to share? Or an experience where one of these tips helped you out? Share in comments below!